I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
