so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
home. puking in laundry basket.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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