no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I pour the whiskey from now on
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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