piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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