the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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