I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
