Your face is a jimmy john
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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