I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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