Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
