perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
