East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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