We're like a lot better than the average bears
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
