Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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