You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
