What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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