Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
