I'm so fucking centered right now
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
