ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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