After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
