i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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