I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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