Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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