i already hear my dad disowning me
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
