I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
