he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
