well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
