Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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