can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
