Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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