Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
