I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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