I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize