After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you win again, gameday.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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