$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
this just has baby written all over it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
