She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i drank out of a bidet.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
