Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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