i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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