you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
