I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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