I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
