Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
