he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
