She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
