somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
