I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
