Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
