Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize