Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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