what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
