I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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