God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize