I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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