i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
