i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
