I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
