my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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