You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So here I am, sexting at work.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
