What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
