Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
