I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
