We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My dick has a subreddit
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
