hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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