there's paper in my vomit.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize