cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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