how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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