we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
