So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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