Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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