Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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