I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
