Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
