i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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