hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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