I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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