The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
