found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
