so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Text me some of your sweat
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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