Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
