I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
