Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
