i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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