Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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