I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
In America we eat man semen.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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