Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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