R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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