I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Randomize
